My job is one big, gay orgy of conferences. What makes my conferences so gay is that 1) I have no clue what these people are babbling about and 2) Even if I did know what they were babbling about, I still wouldn't understand what they meant because of heavy usage of technical terms and acronyms.
The acronym itself has an interesting background. I spent some time researching the origin of its use, the ways it was used in the past, and the current and possible future usages. After exhaustive research, individual interviews, and personal travel to various lands across the world, I came to some startling conclusions. The first is that the acronym began as a way to shorten words into letters. The second comes from Egyptian culture. King Tutankhamen, or “Tut,” was known for his affinity for the acronym.
And you know what? He died. At age 19.
Anyways, an example of a typical conference goes something like this:
“The LQT of the LCSYT is struggling because of GT. Then, we put in the fact that HMS is squirting fluid onto the faces of Q's, and we have one hell of a P. And my, what a HUGE P it is. It's gonna be long, it's gonna be hard, but we can certainly clean this mess up with some K.....and some lube.”
What was conveyed in that statement, as I read back on my notes from that particular meeting, is that the coffee machine is broken.
Now I promise, if one leaves these conferences without being being furious that they can never have their 2 hours back, then they also likely enjoy being a level 91 druid.........that loves shitty conferences.
Moving down (or up, depending on your tolerance for mental anguish) from the conference, is the teleconference. The teleconference consists of you dialing into a meeting of dozens of people across the country that have vested interest in annoying the hell out of you. A teleconference is you, at a phone, listening just hard enough to realize if someone has said your name, so you can respond. I'm still working on finding a way to have my phone punch me if my name is mentioned so I can go from paying minimal attention to paying absolutely no attention. As it stands now, I have to remain somewhat engaged, and it's just frustrating. It's frustrating because I know I could be facing the back of my cube with the phone gently supporting my head in the perfect “REM sleep” position, and no one would have a clue.
Even better is the teleconference within the conference. A very bright part of my day alludes to my previous phone-punching idea. Obviously, these blokes(I'm a pirate) have not devised the necessary mechanism either: A question is asked to a person. A pause follows. A cough. Then a sentence comes that invariably begins with, “Uh...” But then, the beautiful recovery. “I'm sorry, I was multitasking, can you repeat the question?”
HOME RUN! What a save. The go from zero to, well, 0.1, in the matter of 2 seconds. I've thought about using this technique in future interviews....
Interviewer: “Where do you want to be in 5 years?”
Me: “I was multitasking.”
Interviewer: “Well, the tense of your response doesn't match the tense of my question, but I like you. You've got gusto. And you can multitask! You're hired.”
Me: “I was multitasking”
Interviewer: “HA! Damn you're good! What is your desired salary?”
Me: “I was multi-”
Interviewer: “Don't even say it. Don't even! I'd have to get up, move out of the office, and give you my job immediately.”
Me: “-tasking.”
Interviewer: “Oh boy! Congratulations on your new promotion to my position. I'm headed to the unemployment office.”
Me: (whispering) “Just between you and me...I was MT.”
Interviewer: “What? The coffee machine is broken?”
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